Chapter 14: At last
I saved the house to the best of my ability. I did what I could do, but I don’t think anything could go much worse right now. My poor father is slowly dying, and I don’t know what I could do. Houses burning up and Bea is drunk all of the time, life could not get any much worse. But Thanks to Bea …I can’t believe it! I can’t believe my eyes. Ten thousand dollars it cannot be true. Someone pinch me! Please someone tell me if this is a joke. It’s actually true, but how can this be? How could Roland and Bea keep this a secret? This is truly a miracle! I have been waiting and dreaming for this money from since I can remember. This is our ticket out, our ticket to the life we all want to live, but mostly take pleasure in. I thought I would have to leave everyone behind if I decided to go to Canada with Mercer, but now, this is just a dream come true. We can all go to Canada together. No one will be left behind and left to rot. I’m just still so shocked, but overjoyed at the same time. It’s a miracle from God.
We are all so excited for Canada. Everyone is so ecstatic; no one can stop talking about it. We all believe that it is a gift from God. I don’t know what I have done to deserve such good, but I am beyond thankful. I will never forget the day that I discovered that money. It was one of the worst times in my life and that really helped me through it all. It is our ticket to the life we have always sought after.
Finally were here! Were ready to start our new life and live it to the best of our ability. We are getting Bea to sober up the best that we can. Its gonna be pretty tough but we can get through it. Also, Mercer and I will be getting married in a few days. This is the happiest I have ever been in my whole entire life. We are so close and in love it’s truly a dream come true. She’s everything and anything I could ever ask for in a friend and lover. Well, Mercer and I are awfully tired from all this excitement brought to us all so quick, so we will go rest now.
Chapter 15: Hopeless Dreams
Wow, that was the best sleep I ever had in my life. I wish I could sleep like that every night. Wait…this isn’t Canada?
Alana, this started out really well and then seemed to lose some momentum as it progressed. It's not easy to write a new chapter to a book. At first, I thought you were writing a journal entry from the voice of Tyree, and I think that if you look at what you've written in this way, then this piece has a great deal of potential.
ReplyDeleteYou start to repeat yourself a bit in the second and third paragraphs, and it seems as though you ran out of things to write. I think you might have spent a little more space describing Tyree and Mercer's journey and the kinds of experiences they had. It would have been interesting as a reader to see how their relationship developed through Tyree's eyes.